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We’ve asked single Black men to share some of the real perceptions floating around about dating Black women, to help jumpstart the conversation and dispel some of the myths out there. Unfortunately Black women often have so many things we are trying to juggle that it can sometimes become second nature to not smile or take a moment to say hello.Fun can take a backseat when we’re fighting to pay bills, continue our education and make a name for ourselves.Men of character, wit and charisma, alongside whom I have spent some of the best times of my life. East and South Asians, Persians, Arabs, Native Americans, Polynesians — all options as far as I was concerned. Then came the night my girlfriend jokingly called me a racist after I rejected a list of possible options, including her brilliant and cute brother, because they just were “not my type,” my longtime code for “melanin-deficient.” We laughed about it. I pride myself on being open and accepting people at face value, yet, consciously or not, I was writing off millions of single and potentially interesting American men simply because they were white.Yet, until recently, I did not consider white men as romantic prospects. Meanwhile, my social circle is full of black women married to or dating white men.If we’ve taken the time to work hard we often want someone with the same drive or better (he better be 6’1” or taller, attractive, have a minimum of a bachelor’s degree, God-fearing, and have passport will travel), and so often we would rather wait for this man who meets all of our requirements based on our achievements which is not always in abundance depending on where in the country we live. If we do say hello to a man, sometimes they automatically assume we want a romantic relationship with him whereas if a woman of another ethnicity says a random hello, wants to network, or plays the damsel in distress role he often feels less threatened and more willing to share.Is every single item on your list all that important? It’s really more their problem than ours, but unfortunately we often appear “desperate” to men when we are being friendly because there’s an assumption that we’re always on the hunt for a husband. We’ve heard Black men say that they feel that with other women it’s kind of a “just go with the flow” situation as relationships progress.I lived that feeling as the token black girl in my West Texas hometown’s elite circles. I am a woman who grew up with a “Love is Colorblind” figurine in her room, for goodness sake!The fear of feeling that way within a relationship also blinded me to possibility. When it comes to life experiences and interests, I likely have more in common with white men than black.
The Dead’s “Shakedown Street” is one of my favorite songs.
Some brothers seriously think so, and feel they’ve seen evidence of it early on within relationships.
They often say they feel more supported by women of other ethnicities earlier on in their careers and during their college years.
Men who have protected and supported me through some of the darkest days of my life. I might even spend an evening charming some former frat bros at the bar for my personal amusement. It was just there in the back of my mind: I can hang out, work with, live next to and even call white men friends, but I don’t date them. Made me feel a bit hypocritical and narrow-minded, two states I actively work to avoid.
One is named after Nathan Bedford Forrest, a lieutenant general in the Confederate Army. Both are men I would trust to raise and protect my son should the need arise. Or wonder whether Justin Timberlake’s prowess on the dance floor translated into, well, other areas. It was not a hard-and-fast rule, as in: I don’t date white guys.