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Don't call yourself any of the following: witty, ambitious, down-to-earth, or humble.Mention a few TV shows, movies, bands, and books you enjoy, but take it easy on the esoteric poetry, eight-year-old Bay Area rap lyrics, and the word I.I guess that's me 'living in the moment.' God, I'm such a dork.""Why do we connect?What causes solitary beings to want so desperately to be close to one another? I enjoy tandem bicycle rides.""How would I describe myself?Perhaps love is another form of gravity, a cosmic force bringing us together whether we like it or not. Smart, funny, driven, intelligent, athletic, inquisitive, loyal (SO loyal), fabulous, organized, a bit nerdy, living in the moment, caring, spiritual, open-minded, occasionally stubborn, and above all else, fun!I am a questioner, a daughter, a sister, a sinner, a saint, a passionate lover— a bit of everything! "The biggest complaint we get from women is that guys don't pull the trigger and ask them out," Langston explains. The worst that could happen is she says no and your crippling insecurities send you into a tailspin of drugs and despair._—Andrew Richdale _It's counterintuitive, but mentioning a woman's looks in your first e-mail comes off as creepy—like you've started fapping.

Here's your getaway plan for every step along the way.I think that about covers it.""Hello I am funs human from Romania. I LIVE IN MOMENT."_—Drew Magary _No pressure, but that first message is as do-or-die as it gets in online dating. "We've found that subtle self-deprecation works great," says Langston, "and that a joke works out terribly." Mention a common interest from her profile—we both like skiing! Compliment her ironic Kanye shades, sure— just not any part of her actual body._—Julianne Smolinski _You want to suck the air out of a potential first date?I move here four years ago and make many good friend but not find special lover. We asked Grant Langston, senior director at e Harmony, for a few guidelines to keep her from clicking delete. Blow through all your conversation topics beforehand with an hours-long emoticon-filled chat session.It's a little weird at first, trusting a computer algorithm to pair you off.But three weeks (and six dates) from now, you'll realize that online dating is, for better and worse, just like regular dating—and not, sadly, like ordering a pizza online. It's boring, but dating-site handles aren't eligible for the Pulitzer.

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